Spring is in full force now. The new leaves are out on the trees... the perfume of new life is in the air. With this new start on the year, I turn my thoughts to where am I going. What purpose do I serve?
I remain convinced that one needs the ying and yang in life. We need contrast to our lives. To enjoy free time we need to be driven by work or obligation for survival to another. In my career I always had that feeling that if I wasn't the best I would lose my income and would not survive. Although, this was a very uncomfortable feeling and was the seed of my dislike in my job and the wish to be free. The positive element was that it made the weekends, holiday weekends, and vacations much more enjoyable.
Similarly, when married the need to please was dominant in my life and drove me to do things. Maintaining the house and yard, participating in cooking, painting, cycling, hiking and all that was consuming. So in live, work and partnership provided an overwhelming focus on living that the question of "What purpose do I serve?" never becomes a question. There is always a heading in your journey. Either you are on track or getting back on track.
Now that I have neither and lots of time on my hands that question has become the only question. There is no one to be held accountable to other than myself and I am far to forgiving or dis-interested to be a motivator. I marvel at those who live alone and are drive to do projects alone. I see it as fear of what others think that drives them to take care of everything. I have not that fear.
I feel myself slipping downward. What I used to do out of habit has now slowly fallen away.
Well... isn't that a deep subject for an early morning rant...
